1x2 oneshots
by dk-joy
Summary: A series of oneshots both serious and funny. All of the stories are separate and disconnected. Warnings before each chapter. I used the highest rating just in case. Most chapters are less than M. Heero and Duo are the main characters.
1. Heresy

Warnings: shounen ai, language, OOCness

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters

GW Jokes:

Heresy 

"Hey, lover!" Duo says, putting his arm around Heero's shoulders.

"Hn." The Perfect Soldier responds. He shrugs Duo's arm off.

"He, he! Soldier! I've got a mission for you!" Duo says, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

Heero snaps to attention and says, "Mission Accept…"

"Hold on, Soldier! You haven't even heard the mission yet!" Duo exclaims.

"Hn."

"The mission, should you choose to accept it," he began, grinning at the glare Heero shot him, "is to make Wufei sweatdrop by the end of the day!"

Heero sweatdrops, looking at Duo like he's crazy, then grins.

"Mission Accepted!" He walks up to Duo, hugs and kisses him, then says, "Here's the plan…"

Several Minutes later… "That's a great plan, Hee-chan! Let's get to work!" Several Hours later… 

"**Maxwell! I will cut off your braid and feed it to you for this!**" Wufei screams, after seeing his beloved Gundam painted pink with little red and white hearts.

Duo stops in his tracks and says, "but…that's blasphemy…sacrilege…why that's…"

Heero finishes with a dead-panned, "Heresy."

Wufei blinks and stares at Heero. "Hair-esy?" Then he groans. Then he thinks about who made the lame pun and sweatdrops.

Heero smirks. "Mission Accomplished!"

Author's Note: Yeah, it was supposed to make you groan. Tell me how it is!


	2. Hangnail

Warnings and Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, sadly. Contains language, shonen ai (1x2), suicide, deathfic

Hangnail 

"Oh shit! There's blood everywhere!" Duo yelled from his position in front of the two-way window.

"How did he do that? There was nothing in there! We made sure of that!" Wufei wondered as he went through the process of unlocking the quadruple-fortified door.

"Who cares! We have to get him out of there and patched up as soon as possible!" Quatre cried as he slammed the door open.

Trowa picked Heero's limp body up and quietly brought him to the nurses' station. "We need some help." He explained calmly, ignoring the blood dripping on his shoes.

Duo tore a strip off of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around Heero's left wrist while Quatre did the same thing to his right. The institutional floor tiles were spotted with blood. Duo wiped a bead of sweat from his cheek, accidentally smearing blood across his face.

"Come on lady! He doesn't have all day!" Duo said impatiently, worried for his boyfriend. Heero had been committed to this hospital and been put on suicide watch soon after the Mariemaia incident was over. He had been here for two months without any problems. They just happened to come visit on this day…

"He was the pilot of Zero One! He saved the world! The least you can do is help us help him!" Quatre pleaded.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Sheesh!" said the young lady behind the counter. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Injustice!" Wufei cried but was cut off by Trowa's calm, rational voice.

"He slit his wrists somehow. We need some bandages…he needs stitches…"

"OK. I'll get the doctor right away." The nurse said before turning to the intercom on the wall and punching a few buttons. "Dr. Po. You're needed in the psych ward. An inmate injured himself."

Before she got a chance to turn the com off, Duo yelled, "It's Heero! He tried to kill himself again!"

The nurse glared at him, but didn't say anything when he gave her a shinigami grin. She just sniffed and went back to playing solitaire.

The boys waited for Sally to arrive. They sat in the waiting room. Trowa had Heero's middle in his lap, Quatre had his feet, and his head was in Duo's lap. Duo leaned down close, whispering to Heero and kissing his forehead. Wufei leaned against the wall, keeping watch for the doctor and glaring at the nurse.

Wufei whistled softly when he saw Sally coming to alert the others. Trowa gathered Heero into his arms and walked carefully toward Wufei. Dr. Po walked up to him and nodded toward a nearby room. Trowa acknowledged her directions with a nod of his own and walked there. Duo held Heero's head up and squeezed his hand. He started when he felt a squeeze back.

"Heero!" He waited for a response and received another squeeze. "Baby! Why did you do that? How did you…"

Heero shook his head and rasped out, "nightmares…" before going limp on the bed.

"No!" Duo exclaimed. Sally looked Heero over and checked his pulse.

"He's OK. He just passed out again." She explained to the distraught young man as she set out the tools she'd need.

"Unh!" Duo moaned.

"What's wrong?" Quatre asked the braided boy.

"My…chest…" Duo managed before falling to the ground.

"Heero! Oh, shit! His heart stopped! What happened?" Sally exclaimed, taken completely by surprise.

"Duo? Duo! Duo!" Quatre called, shaking the limp body in his arms. The other boys had been watching Dr. Po, but now they turned around to find another one of their friends in peril.

Trowa came over, thinking he would find out that Duo had passed out from grief or stress, but when he looked into Duo's wide-open, glassy eyes and saw a tear roll down his cheek, he knew what had happened.

"He's dead." He stated, voice shaking. "They're both dead."

"Maxwell?" Wufei asked. He walked over and looked into Duo's pain-filled face. "How? Why?"

"I feel it. They're together. I don't know what happened, but now they're together. Duo's laughing. I don't know why…wait…did Heero say something about a hangnail?" Quatre said, curious, hand over Duo's heart.

On another plane of existence…

"_Heero? What happened? Why did you do that? And how?" Duo asks with wide eyes._

"_I'll tell you if you tell me, baka!" Heero replied._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Why are you dead too? What happened to you?"_

"_Idiot! Weren't you listening to a word I said? I told you that if you died I'd come with you. Wouldn't want you to be bored or anything."_

"_Oh. I guess I didn't really…"_

"_You didn't believe me! Man, you of all people should know I never lie! I'm Duo Maxwell who runs and hides but never tells a lie! Sound familiar?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Anyway…tell me what happened!" Duo bitched at Heero._

"_Well…I didn't think I'd be able to…you know…live at peace. My nightmares of training. They never went away. They probably never would have."_

"_And that's a reason to kill yourself? I had nightmares all the time and you don't see me slitting my wrists…speaking of…how did you…"_

_Heero mumbled something, blushing a bright scarlet._

_Duo looked astonished for about a minute. Then he laughed so hard he cried._

"_Only you, Heero Yuy would manage to kill yourself by slitting your wrists with a hangnail!"_

Owari.

Author's Note: Hope you liked! I wasn't planning on killing Heero, much less Duo, but that's how it came out. Sorry for the death! I'd planned on making this a funny fic about Heero trying to kill himself with a hangnail, but…oh well! Please review!


	3. Hell

Warnings and Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. :sighs: oh well…

This fic contains…cursing, angst (OMG does it!), nothing too graphic – just complaining

It's not very well done, but I couldn't think of what else to put in it, so I just left it as it is

Hell

I can't meet you in Heaven, so I'll see you in Hell

You created us to kill, but punish us when we do

We only did what you told us to

It's not fate but it's not free will

We kill so others can live

We die a little more each time we pull the trigger

Why must we kill so others can live free of sin?

We sin and are damned so they can live happy, carefree lives, but why?

You made everything, evil and good

Devils and angels you made them

We, the devils, must protect the angels

And you blame us for it

We never asked for this

He didn't choose this,

Neither did he,

Neither did he,

Neither did he,

And neither did I

I don't wanna kill, but you made me

And now I die for them and you kill me for them

And I get no reward but the fiery depths of Hell

What did I do to deserve this

If you didn't want me to do this, why did you make me this way?

All I can do is kill,

And it's all he can do,

And it's all he can do,

And it's all he can do,

And it's all he can do

And some of them know you and some of them don't

Some of them hate you, some of them don't

But you treat us all the same – like rats in a cage

We die to protect those we hate.

Why did you make us to punish us?

We do what you tell us to do and then you tell us we're wrong

But the many would die if we didn't kill the few

And we're goin' to Hell to meet you there.

Cause you made everything, good and bad

The angels and the devils

Happy and sad

Us and them, me and him

Who are you to tell us we sinned?

A/N: In case you couldn't tell, this is Duo um…preaching to God? He's mad that he and the others are condemned to Hell for doing what they were supposed to do. (I'd be mad, too.) Please review.


	4. Health and Nutrition 1001

Warnings and Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. :sighs: oh well…

This fic contains sincere friendship. If it offends you, you have a problem.

Health and Nutrition 1001

_One day..._

"Hey, Heero! Wanna come get some dinner with me? It's sushi – your favorite!"

"Not right now, Duo. Reports."

Duo pouted, but didn't complain. He just shrugged, chirped a "well…see ya!" and walked out of the room.

_The next day…_

"Heero, old buddy, old pal!"

"What?" Heero grunted. (He's progressing – he actually uses words and not "hn" !)

"I know you've gotta be hungry, so come eat with me and the guys. It's Chinese and it's on me!"

"Sorry. I need to review the layout of the base we need to destroy tomorrow."

Duo frowned and thought about saying more, but decided against it. He left silently.

_A few days later…_

"Heero…we've gotta talk."

"What? Can't you see I'm busy?" Heero growled, frustrated with Duo's 'constant' interruptions.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"…"

"Answer the question, big mouth."

"… this morning. I think."

"…Heero…"

"… … What! If you have something to say, just say it! I've got work to do!"

SLAM

Heero whirled around at the sudden, loud noise behind him. Duo's face was red with fury and his fist was still in contact with the wall where he had apparently punched it. When Duo pulled his fist away, Heero saw splatters of blood on the wall.

"What is…" he started.

"What's my problem? Is that what you were going to ask? Maybe you should ask yourself that question! What's your problem? Why aren't you eating? Do you know what that can do to you?"

"Um…" Heero began uncertainly.

"You idiot! When you don't eat for a while like that, it starts a process. A very bad process. While it might make sense not to eat for a period of time for things like a stomach ache, lack of food, or too many things to do, it adds up. The first day or two, you just have hunger pangs. You get over them. Your body gets used to not having food. So in the next few days, you don't need to eat as much. If you let yourself do that or can't help but do that, it gets worse.

"Your stomach might hurt because you're hungry, but you can ignore it. In fact, the thought of food might make your stomach hurt worse. So you don't eat. Or you eat and you feel sicker. If you give in and continue to refuse to eat, it gets worse and worse and eventually you stop eating all together.

"You feel weak and you shake a lot. You can't concentrate. Even water can make you throw up. Once you get to that point, it's only total stubbornness or a really good doctor that can help you out of it." Duo was slightly out of breath from his speech, but still very annoyed.

Heero was astonished. "Why did you say all of that?"

It was Duo's turn to be surprised. "Um…well…"

"Duo. How do you know all of that? I know you didn't have much schooling, so I don't know where…"

"Experience, Heero. Experience." And Duo walked out of the room.

_The next day…_

"Hey, Duo. Want to eat with me and the others? My treat…"

Owari.

Author's Note: Duo's 'experience' refers to his time as an orphan before and after being taken care of by Father Maxwell and Sister Helen at the Church. I'm sure he went through similar things, though to a lesser extent because (1) he was a good thief, and (2) I think he had a strong will to live, even if he was awfully reckless back then.

I've dealt with this before some – in fact I was about to start that cycle again today, but my fiancée is stubborn enough to get me to eat again. Yay! Go James!

(PS – I'm not anorexic or anything – when I don't eat, it's usually due to stress. Law school can really take a toll on you.)


	5. Hating Scars

Warnings and Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. :sighs: oh well…

Contains blood (and lots of it!), knife-fighting, shounen ai/yaoi (1x2), language, some ridiculous worrying

Heero takes a knife to the chest and Duo is locked in a life-or-death struggle with the guy who did it.

Hating Scars

Duo Maxwell never thought he would live to see this. He was pretty sure no one would ever see it happen. How could someone manage to surprise Heero Yuy? Not just any surprise. Not a nice, happy surprise like a birthday party or something. A bad surprise. A very unpleasant surprise. A knife in the heart kind of surprise.

They weren't even on a real mission; they were just helping another team of Preventers round up a few druggies on a colony. It was an informal kind of thing. Just a casual, regular kind of thing. But they should have known better. Known it was too quiet in this warehouse. An unnatural, tense silence. Like someone was just waiting for them to come in.

But they didn't think anything of it. After all, they were ex-Gundam pilots. Surely they could handle a few addicts? Maybe not.

The attack was so sudden that Heero didn't do anything. Couldn't do anything. One minute it was quiet; in the next moment, a knife was heading toward his heart. It was almost inhuman how fast it was. So fast that Heero saw it coming but didn't do anything. He couldn't move. He just watched it come toward him. Watched it enter his heart. That was when he finally moved. It wasn't voluntary.

Duo watched in horror as his lover fell, a knife buried to the hilt in his chest. A spray of blood followed him down. It wasn't slow-motion like he would expect something so dramatic like this to be. One minute Heero was standing, the next he was flat on his back on the floor. Not moving.

Duo's instincts quickly took over and he stared hard into the darkness, his mind already having calculated the angle and direction from which the knife came. Even though he couldn't see the person who threw the knife in the darkness, he knew that he was looking directly into that person's eyes. He knew that they were right-handed and almost certainly male, based on their height. And he knew that while he himself was good at throwing knives, he wasn't that good. The thought of how well this guy could throw almost made him tremble. But then he remembered his lover, lying on the ground hurt. Or dead. He couldn't even take the time to check. Because, in the time it would take him to glance at Heero, he would most likely meet the same fate.

So he stared into the person's eyes until he felt a waver of that person's attention, then he dodged, down and to the right slightly. He knew it wasn't enough for the knife to completely miss him, but it was enough. The knife sliced into the flesh of his left shoulder instead of burying itself in his heart. It was time to get moving.

Duo knew he couldn't beat this guy in a throwing match, so he ran straight at him, hoping to catch him off guard like he'd caught Heero off guard. He knew he hadn't succeeded when he saw several flashing silver objects heading his way. He dodged them, not even getting another scratch. He realized that the person had thrown in a panic and was grateful for it. Because now he was in the guy's face and there was no chance that the guy could throw something at him. Duo grinned at the slight surprise on the guy's face. Then he plucked one of the knives out of the guy's fingers and swiftly brought it toward the guy's neck.

The guy wasn't just good at ranged attacks like Duo had been hoping. He knew how to fight up-close and personal as well. The guy dodged with a split-second to spare and had another knife almost to Duo's neck by the time Duo could bring his left arm up to block it.

Blood spurted from his arm, a few drops spraying across both of their faces. Duo was starting to doubt he would get out of this alive.

But in a crazy, irrational part of his mind that he kept under lock and key, he was worried about something else. Something that it didn't make sense for a warrior to worry about. The man had just scarred him. He had just received another scar.

That crazy part of him was really upset. He remembered what his lover had said a long time ago. While sitting on a bed talking to each other, Heero had mentioned how much he loved Duo's skin. He loved it that Duo had so few scars. Duo had noticed how often Heero would tell him to take his shirt off so that he could run his hands over Duo's smooth stomach. He didn't touch his back. His back that was scarred from falls, beatings, and stabbings. Duo noticed this and increased efforts from then on to avoid getting anymore scars. That crazy little part of him freaked out every time he got a paper cut.

What if Heero didn't love him anymore?

It seemed so stupid to think about, when his life was in danger and Heero's may have already ended, but he couldn't help it. If the improbable happened and they both made it out of here alive, Duo would have at least one more scar. Would Heero decide that it was one scar too many and leave him? Would he be disgusted and not want to look at him anymore? Would he lose the one thing that made his life worth living?

Duo's hands shook as he looked at the blood covering his arm. Would he lose his love forever? He heard a groan behind him and knew that Heero was alive. Instead of making him feel better, he felt worse. Worrying about this was stupid. He had to get Heero to a hospital soon. And in order to do that, he had to defeat the enemy that was in front of him. Screw the consequences.

Regaining his resolve, Duo brought his left arm up to guard and his right arm up to strike. He dodged a few blows and returned a few of his own. Eventually, they got into a rhythm. Duo would lash out with his right hand, while the guy would either dodge or block with his left arm; then the guy would strike with his right hand while Duo either dodged or blocked. The left arms of both men were covered in cuts and blood within a minute. But they kept going.

Duo knew that the guy was just waiting for him to falter. For him to show weakness. Then he would strike. Duo didn't show weakness. So they kept going. Duo started noticing that his opponent's eyes kept glancing toward Duo's right hand. Like he was expecting Duo to make the move to end this. Duo decided to surprise him.

Instead of striking first, he dropped his left arm slightly, giving the guy a prime opportunity to strike. The guy took it without hesitation. Duo knew it was an instinctive move – the guy hadn't planned it. He would even venture to say, based on the surprised look on the guy's face, that he hadn't wanted to do it. Duo smirked, even as the knife slammed into his chest, above his heart.

The surprise on the guy's face increased when Duo's left hand came up to hold the knife in place while his right arm moved from his side. Duo moved it across his body slowly. In an explosion of movement, Duo sliced through the air, his arm a blur as it moved from his left side back to his right. Duo's opponent could only watch while the knife in Duo's hand came straight toward his throat. Duo smiled, Shinigami coming out to play, when the knife tore through the man's neck, savagely ripping it open. One clean, deep slice through the neck. It was so deep that Duo could see the man's spinal cord. He smiled again.

Blood covered their faces and necks. Their left arms and Duo's hand were dripping it. The carpet beneath their feet soaked it up greedily. Duo watched the life die in the man's eyes before the body fell with a thump to the floor. Duo breathed out loudly, trying to dispel the rush of adrenaline moving through his body. It was a mistake.

Pain gripped his chest as the knife wound let itself be known. Duo couldn't believe he'd forgotten, however temporarily, about being stabbed. But he had, and now he remembered. His arms came up to cradle his chest, but the cloth of his shirt rubbed the wounds on his left arm and he could only moan harshly as he fell to his knees, his arms at his sides.

He heard a quiet noise behind him and turned around slowly, conscious of his injuries. Heero was dragging himself toward him with his right arm. He left a trail of blood in his wake. Duo cried out, too worried about Heero to be able to form words. Duo stood up without using his hands, putting his weight on his knees before pushing off with his toes and the balls of his feet. He staggered slightly from the effort before stumbling toward Heero. He fell to his knees again when he was next to him.

"Baby! Stay still! You're hurt." He reached toward his lover with his left hand without thinking. He flinched at the pain and let it fall to his side before reaching with his right hand to stroke Heero's cheek as he lay on the ground.

Heero opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them, and looked at Duo. "Baka." He said affectionately. "You're hurt just as badly as I am." He started to smile, but faltered when a tear slipped down Duo's face. He'd _never_ seen Duo cry. He didn't know what to say.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." Duo sobbed weakly.

Heero felt a stab of alarm. "Duo! What's wrong!" Heero was relatively certain that neither of their wounds were fatal, at least as long as they got to a hospital soon, so he didn't know what could possibly make Duo upset enough to cry. Duo didn't cry. Even when he thought he was going to be executed, or when there seemed to be no hope of winning Duo never gave up. So why…

"Do you hate me now?" Duo finally managed to gasp out.

Heero could only stare in confusion. "Why would I hate you?" He asked, surprised.

"Because I have more scars now! You always said how much you hate scars and now I have even more!" Duo thrust his left arm toward Heero, showing him the deep, ugly cuts in his skin.

Heero relaxed, glad that it wasn't something to worry about. He reached out and gently held Duo's hand. Then he pulled himself into a sitting position, even as Duo protested that he should stay on the floor. He pulled on Duo's arm until Duo had to move closer. He used his other hand to gently grasp Duo's chin, forcing Duo to look into his eyes. Still looking deep into those liquid jewels, he brought his lips to Duo's arm, kissing the worst cuts gently so as not to hurt the braided boy.

Duo's eyes sparkled with more tears and Heero was about to say something to soothe him when Duo bent down and kissed him gently on the lips. Duo knew that Heero could feel all of his thanks and love, so he didn't say anything as he pulled back. Heero's eyes were closed, and there was a beautiful smile on his lips. Along with a smear of blood.

"Ew! I can't believe you just kissed my arm! My bloody arm! And then I kissed you! Argh! Disgusting!" Duo complained loudly.

Heero just smiled and Duo soon joined him. They were smiling and wiping the blood off of their lips when the medics came in.

Owari.

A/N: This probably isn't as good as it could have been, but thank you for reading it and I hope you like it! If you did like it, review!


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